The ship that...

A ship set sail almost three years ago and though it was a small ship, it was constantly upgraded and improved till it became a large and stable ship. Recently, the ship sailed into rougher seas... Very soon, as the storm came in, the ship lost control and steered towards a coral reef. As the ship headed to the coral reef, everyone on board was willing with all their might that the ship can turn off the course of eminent destruction and towards safety. It was however, not their day.

The ship cruised into the rough coral reef and as the corals scrapped against the hull of the ship, everyone n board looked with fear. Most jumped off the ship except for the two who made the ship what it was today. They knew, it was either let it sink or to save the ship. The hull was breached by the time they got to it. Water was gushing in by gallons and gallons. As I bailed the water out anxiously and with everything I could muster, it wasn't helping the ship to stay afloat. He decisively tried to fix the hull while I continued bailing gallons and gallons of water in a bid to save the sinking ship.

Those people that jumped off the ship saw the ship's eminent destruction and was certain of its doom. However, with a lot of perseverance and effort, the two finally managed to fix the hull and stop the leaks. They continued bailing the rest of the water out and soon, the ship was afloat once again, despite the certainty that those people who abandoned the ship had that the ship was certain for destruction.

This is the main crux of my story with my boyfriend over the past few weeks and months. This is one of the reasons why I've not been updating my blog regularly. The other reason being me too lazy to do that.

To my boyfriend that might be reading this, I love you and thank you for choosing me and not to follow the others and abandon the ship. I hope that this ship of ours will continue to sail towards our destination which will be filled with mystery, joy and happiness. I want to spend my entire life with you! You might not believe this but I know that you are the one for me. It seems, no matter what, you are the only one with the knack to calm me down when I am really angry and the ability to make me smile in my time of extreme sadness. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there with me during all these times. I want you to know that I really love you and care for you. And I want to do that for the rest of my life. I hope you will allow me this request.

Love,
Clarevoiyant

Shopping online

I am fast exceeding my monthly allowance. And this is all because of the advent of such a thing as online shopping. It's terribly exciting with all the possibilities, all the choices, all the friggin sales and promotions, all the unique items you can't buy offline. So here I am, two months continuously, I have been far exceeding my limits. It's not that bad till I am spending into my next month's "allowance" but still, I almost have nothing left to save. Then again. shopping makes me happy. :)

So, I ordered so many things online. From shoes to bags, to jeans, to vests, to wallets, to vouchers, to hotel deals and even air tickets. It's so convenient and so much cheaper even with the shipping and all. So here's a little package that arrive a month ago but I didn't tell any of you because I wanted to try the products out and see how good they are before commenting on them because that, would seem more like judging the book by its cover per se.

1. Nike Free Run 5.0 which was discussed in my previous post at this if you haven't yet read it yet.

2. ASOS stripe sleeveless tee which is so airy and comfortable. And, my boyfriend likes me in stripes so I got this.

3. NIKE backpack. I am a bag freak. I have so many bags I sometimes don't know which bag to carry out but I still buy more bags because they entice me so much. I do love my rive island carryall but it's too huge to carry it and my boyfriend will chide me every-time I carry that out because we have the same bag and that means (in his sense at least) that he cannot carry that bag out. By the way, this bag is a great buy for only SGD 21.59! What a steal!

4. My river island leather embossed wallet. I'm quite a fan of England because I feel that the design of the union jack is so attractive. Maybe it's the colors but it is seriously a good design almost anywhere.

The total price tag for all of those was a whooping SGD 120 which is quite a slice of my allowance. I am happy with them so I won't say anything about them.

Today, my extreme racer vest came and I came to realize what my boyfriend meant when he said these vest was revealing.

Blog haitus (a week) and My crazy boyfriend's mind

Me and my boyfriend has been on quite the food adventure lately. And with that, there has been a slight misunderstanding of my intents. I merely just want my food loving boyfriend to enjoy his food and have fun simply because seeing him smile makes me really happy. Clearly he thought of this as a sort of "prisoner's last meal before the officer shouts 'dead man walking'." Well, obviously I didn't intent for a great dinner to turn up scaring the shit out of my boyfriend thinking that I would soon break up with him. But, it definitely was quite funny when we had a talk later (over the phone) about what he felt, and had the cheek to say that he thought it was his "last meal". Of course, it was darn hilarious. I would think he didn't laugh because he felt more embarrassed by it. But heck, it really is funny and that's how cute he is.

Anyways, the adventure will be told in another post after this. I will then attempt to explain why I didn't have the chance to blog in the past one week or so. Sorry people. It was definitely tiring for me too with my diploma exams, the last minute studying and all the nights I can't sleep because I am not with my dearest boyfriend. I don't know when I developed this reliance of having him next to me before I sleep very very very well, but, I just don't feel refreshed and awake when I sleep and wake up without him next to me. I guess the fact he is there gives me the feeling of being protected and comfortable enough for me to relax. I do know that prior to our overseas trip, my boyfriend always had trouble sleeping with me (not in the dirty way you are thinking. Just sleep. Sheesh!) which he clearly kept to himself not wanting to hurt me. So yeah, now he tells me he can sleep beside me comfortably. That's a win for me then.

Anyways, truth be told. I've not been blogging because I am plain lazy. Ha! Yes. I am lazy. I just had my exams and I think I ought to have some time for myself. I've been using this time to catch up to my favorite animes: Naruto and One Piece. Disappointing that Naruto had so many fillers. Obviously I didn't use 5 days to watch the measly few episodes I missed in the last 2 months. I spent the rest of the time shopping online and yes, I broke my month's budget yet again! Darn those good offers! I'll show you what I got when it all comes. Btw, I also watched pewdiepie's channel on youtube. I don't really like to subscribe to channels so yeah, I'm not a bro. But that said, if he makes more crazy wheels videos I might join the bro army. Anyways, I would like to congratulate pewdiepie on being the most subscribed channel on youtube surpassing Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift! He's so hilarious if you haven't yet watch him, go view his vids! I'm sure even the person who doesn't laugh ever will laugh at at least one of his videos! Binkt is my favourite name he uses. Binkt the ball, binkt the squishy thingy he throws and binkt the journey eagle thingy. Let's bring the hate on the barrels!

Pewdiepie and his epic brofist ending (always does it in every single video)

Mothers and Boyfriend

For the whole of yesterday, my boyfriend and I shared our time together to spend time having coffee and sitting around in a cafe. We don't have a place we can share together to have some rest and relax time. My house is out of bounds because my parents have great prejudice about my boyfriend. Not that they know he is my boyfriend, but, I think they suspect he is. They also think he is a bad influence on me. Especially the fact that when I was admitted to hospital for a seizure, he was with me so, I am guessing my mother attributed the occurrence to his presence. My parents have told me a few times in the past to stay away from him, but in reality, I love him with all my heart, and, it would kill me to stay away from him more than 5 days. The longest I've gone without actually touching him (as in holding hands or hugging) is 2 weeks and that was because of confinement in BMT. Besides, I'm lonely without him. He just makes my life so much more interesting and colourful. I don't think I can imagine a life without him. It would just be so grey and boring. So, that concludes the reason why he isn't allowed in my house. I just don't want a rift to split us apart. I rather we spend time outside together but still be able to see each other.

He on the other hand doesn't want to cause suspicion within his christian family which I agree because it would just be too troublesome. With the religious side and the overall singaporean culture and perspective towards such "deviant" behaviour, I don't think going and tell his family he is mine is the best option. We do however steal times when his entire family is out to just lie in each other's arms and enjoy the warmth and company. It's those times I feel the most loved and the happiest. But sadly, it is out of bounds on weekends when we meet up.

Its rather funny how we view our future mother-in-laws. I view my future mother-in-law differently than what my boyfriend views his mum. While I view her to be always in an infinite angry mode, he views her as just loud. I view her as an authoritative person because of her uniform job in the past which from what I know was quite high a rank. I view her as a tiger mum, maybe due to the fact the household is filled with smart asses. My boyfriend's sister is a literary genius, his brother a mathematics and physics Olympiad, and both parents are degree holders and the dad is even studying alternative medicine now! With so many smart asses, she would surely have something to do with their academic standings at least. Plus,she is huge, has a firm and loud voice and very menacing from my view point. But to my boyfriend, she's a nice lady whom he thinks treats his friends too well, always buying treats and snacks for them when they come over. I don't know whether it is fortunate or unfortunate that I haven't had the experience of my future mother-in-law buying treats and snacks for me while I am at his house. I do hope however next time when my boyfriend shifts to his new house, I'd be able to visit and just spend my Saturdays with him in his room playing ps4, wii or xbox or just chatting.

My take, she looks like the typical Singaporean tiger mother. Scary for a boy of my stature.

My mother has always been the loving on of both my parents. My dad had been struggling with army (when he signed on as a pilot), his degree and his part time job as long as I can remember when I was just 4-5. I consistently didn't get to spend time with him. So, most of my time was spent with my mum. Perhaps that is why I find my mum more of the loving one than my dad. Besides, its probably his job nature that makes him very tippy and easily frustrated due to the long working hours that when I was young, even spilling a glass of water would result in dire consequences. So, I view my dad as fierce and my mum as loving. My boyfriend who met them a few times. One time, he was interrogated by them (supposedly when I was half conscious due to the seizure). My boyfriend's image of my mum from then on is a fierce woman. Though my mum has a short stature and is rather thin for reasons such as slimming and what not, she can come across as fierce looking from first glance. So this is probably what she looks like to my boyfriend from what he describes to me.

I hope it didn't scare him too much because he would probably have to face her more often in the future. Besides, I get the feeling my mum is lowly coming to terms with the fact that I may be gay. I just didn't tell her yet. I got a feeling she knows and have been coming to terms with it (together with my dad). I don't think I want to find out now with all the uncertainties so I shall wait.

Next time I meet my future mother-in-law, I'll try my best to put aside my first evaluation of her. Hopefully, we hit off well and it would be a smoother transition as I intend to marry this cute son of hers. :D

It's time to work hard: For me and my Boyfriend.

Well, it's finally here: My final exams are round the corner. Exactly in one month's time from now, in the midst of NS and all, I'll be done with my part time diploma and have myself the capability to earn more than my current measly pay by about three times! Of course that will still have to wait till my NS is over. While there is assignment and studying to be done on my part, my poor baby has to do his first (and hopefully last) 24 km route march to his glorious end of his basic military training. I won't be there to watch him do that amazing feat (for which I was excused from in my days of bmt) because his family will be there and it would take a lot of explanation as to why a boy is attending in place of his sister. Of which they have only had a glance previously. I would definitely not have anything to talk about and much less stammer the whole way because I am such a bad liar. So he didn't want me to go. Besides, we promised that if we were to come out, it would be a time when we both felt comfortable. And telling your in-laws you are his/her son's boyfriend is a double shock. Imagine knowing the fact that your son is gay and the fact that he has a boyfriend. It could go both ways. One, the mum/dad already knows and says something on the line like, "Oh. I already know lah.  Psst. *whispers* He's a hottie!" Or, the less desirable way when he/she breaks down, maybe starts swearing and hopefully not have violence involve.

I know for one that my family isn't very receptive of homosexuality (I guess it is a typical asian parent thing). I won't be having it easy when I come out though I did leave a few traces of my being one here and there for them to speculate since I am pretty much the normal boy save the fact I love dicks. Each time I did, I rated their response and so far, it doesn't look very promising. Well, I just hope they take in those information and piece together and finally come to terms with it before my actual "coming out" so that it will be less of a problem when it does happen. Eventually and I envision it to be soon. Maybe in about 5 years? There are times when I do feel like I am tired. Tired of all these 'pretentious lies' that I am "going out with my friends" when it is my boyfriend I am going out with. "Oh, this is just a friend", "I'm going overseas with friends". All of these lies. I can't really tell lies so each time I do manage to slip over one, I feel like I die a little inside. I just hope my coming out to be a better story than I hope it'll be.

Btw, I think my boyfriend is a smart, cute and adorable little boy. I just want to hug him and snuggle up to him every moment of my life. He is however on the depressed side and tend to think of negative things. I guess it is just his personality. But I do love every aspect of him except for him always running late for dates and his negative outlook on almost everything. But, asides from all that, he really is a sweet boy. A little on the scrawny side but I like to call it slim twink-ish. I do have similar body shape but I have more pronounced pectorals and biceps despite the fact he in physically exercising and I am not really doing it on as regular a basis as I want it to be (I do chest building exercises like maybe once in two weeks). It is true that in a relationship, sex can be excluded. However, if a relationship is to last long, sex is necessary. 

Why do I say that? Well, when sex is performed, it releases a lot of dopamine. The central neurochemical player behind falling in—and out—of love is dopamine. Dopamine is the principal neurochemical that activates your reward circuitry, the centerpiece of the limbic system. Dopamine is involved with many aspects of mood, behavior, and perception. Even small shifts in dopamine sensitivity or levels can have profound effects on how you see the world, or your partner.The key word is bonding. Bonding is more than a behavior. It is a mammalian program, the program that permits parenting and living in groups. When dopamine drops, you are likely to find your partner less rewarding—and your bond unravels. So when you have sex, the attraction towards him is renewed. I don't need that often because I fall in love with him again and again and again and all I need is his smile. That smile of his never seems to fail in cheering me up and making feel like he is the "one" for me.

I do hope Mr Right stays with me till the day I step out of the closet so that even if I enter a new battlefield after stepping out, my prince charming will be there to back me up and we can get through the storm together. In the past, both of us walked a lonely path. Today, I feel that he made me much less lonely and I really really really love that innocent boy that never fails to stop eating baby carrots. A bunny indeed!

To my bunny boyfriend: I love you! :)

Pinkdot 2013 and the list of "I like"s

Pinkdot 2013 was a massive event. According to Calcy Tay on InSing.com, "A record 21,000 people turned up at this year’s Pink Dot event held over the weekend at Speakers’ Corner". The last time I went to pinkdot was in 2010 when pinkdot came for the third time. I remember how I had to go out of the house in a non-pink t-shirt and later change to a pink t-shirt because it was the precarious time when my parents found out about my boyfriend and I, and, going for the event would definitely not help to ease the situation.

As you can see from the photos that pinkdot has grown over the years. I went to pinkdot in 2010 in its third year and already, the dot was no longer a "dot", it was an out of shape circle. In 2011, I didn't partake in the event because my boyfriend and I both forgot about the event. So, we didn't go. But it certainly is growing bigger. Then, it was already a sea of pink. This year,  with 6,000 more attendees than the previous year, it was definitely much more crowded with people spilling into the streets. I am truly happy to see the amount of people who are like me, being supported by this great community. I can say that I am proud to be part of such a loving community. Though, I am not so sure it will continue to be a success in the following years. Of course, it has gained global attention. A few gays living overseas even came back for the event. But still, as the event gains supporters, it will be more difficult to hold all these people in the park alone as having the event outside the park is considered against the law and illegal. I do hope the event gets support from the government and can finally progress and get the necessary approval to hold the event at a larger venue.

Also,  Vincent Wijeysingha a Singaporean opposition leader has come out of the closet in what he calls, "a way to garner more support for the event and call people to join the event". I applaud his move and his bravery as this can have both a bad and good side to it. While the gay community would largely vote for him, this doesn't rid the fact that Singapore is still largely a backward country in terms of openness and homophobia. He might jolly well get the bad votes just for being gay. That is very much unfair, but, it is the harsh reality. Kudos to Vincent and Pinkdot supporters! Embrace the love and cast away the fears(and ignorance)!
Now, I will be moving on to more about myself. It's the list of "I like". This list will not be as extensive as the list of "I hate" because I really hate a lot of things, even my boyfriend complains about it.

I like my boyfriend.
I like d**ks
I like gummy bears
I like lean and fit boys
I like berries
I like yoghurt
I like ice cream
I like roast duck
I like roast chicken
I like pork chops
I like bak kut teh(pork rib soup: Singaporean dish) One of the hawkers that is going to challenge Gordon Ramsay in the Singtel Hawker cook-off challenge? I think It'll probably be too easy for Ramsay. I say, we see him ake Roti Prata! Let's laugh at the Michelin Starred Chef making holey pratas (indian flat bread that is chewy and crispy on the outside)
I like blue
I like s**
I like mango
I like thai food
I like chinese food
I like steaks and chops
I like vegetables (a legacy of my mum's teachings when we were young)
I like soup
I like mushrooms
I like japanese food
I like korean bbq (not their food because some of them are too sweet for my liking)
I like travelling the world
I like reading
I like drawing
I like architecture
I like quiet and serene places
I like being loved by my boyfriend
I like being hugged

Well, it is quite extensive already so I shan't continue. But, here you are, a list of what I like... to be continued. I seriously didn't expect myself to come up with so much things that I like. Wait till you see the list of "I hate". Hahas. Till next time!