Well, it's finally here: My final exams are round the corner. Exactly in one month's time from now, in the midst of NS and all, I'll be done with my part time diploma and have myself the capability to earn more than my current measly pay by about three times! Of course that will still have to wait till my NS is over. While there is assignment and studying to be done on my part, my poor baby has to do his first (and hopefully last) 24 km route march to his glorious end of his basic military training. I won't be there to watch him do that amazing feat (for which I was excused from in my days of bmt) because his family will be there and it would take a lot of explanation as to why a boy is attending in place of his sister. Of which they have only had a glance previously. I would definitely not have anything to talk about and much less stammer the whole way because I am such a bad liar. So he didn't want me to go. Besides, we promised that if we were to come out, it would be a time when we both felt comfortable. And telling your in-laws you are his/her son's boyfriend is a double shock. Imagine knowing the fact that your son is gay and the fact that he has a boyfriend. It could go both ways. One, the mum/dad already knows and says something on the line like, "Oh. I already know lah. Psst. *whispers* He's a hottie!" Or, the less desirable way when he/she breaks down, maybe starts swearing and hopefully not have violence involve.
I know for one that my family isn't very receptive of homosexuality (I guess it is a typical asian parent thing). I won't be having it easy when I come out though I did leave a few traces of my being one here and there for them to speculate since I am pretty much the normal boy save the fact I love dicks. Each time I did, I rated their response and so far, it doesn't look very promising. Well, I just hope they take in those information and piece together and finally come to terms with it before my actual "coming out" so that it will be less of a problem when it does happen. Eventually and I envision it to be soon. Maybe in about 5 years? There are times when I do feel like I am tired. Tired of all these 'pretentious lies' that I am "going out with my friends" when it is my boyfriend I am going out with. "Oh, this is just a friend", "I'm going overseas with friends". All of these lies. I can't really tell lies so each time I do manage to slip over one, I feel like I die a little inside. I just hope my coming out to be a better story than I hope it'll be.
Btw, I think my boyfriend is a smart, cute and adorable little boy. I just want to hug him and snuggle up to him every moment of my life. He is however on the depressed side and tend to think of negative things. I guess it is just his personality. But I do love every aspect of him except for him always running late for dates and his negative outlook on almost everything. But, asides from all that, he really is a sweet boy. A little on the scrawny side but I like to call it slim twink-ish. I do have similar body shape but I have more pronounced pectorals and biceps despite the fact he in physically exercising and I am not really doing it on as regular a basis as I want it to be (I do chest building exercises like maybe once in two weeks). It is true that in a relationship, sex can be excluded. However, if a relationship is to last long, sex is necessary.
Why do I say that? Well, when sex is performed, it releases a lot of dopamine. The central neurochemical player behind falling in—and out—of love is dopamine. Dopamine is the principal neurochemical that activates your reward circuitry, the centerpiece of the limbic system. Dopamine is involved with many aspects of mood, behavior, and perception. Even small shifts in dopamine sensitivity or levels can have profound effects on how you see the world, or your partner.The key word is bonding. Bonding is more than a behavior. It is a mammalian program, the program that permits parenting and living in groups. When dopamine drops, you are likely to find your partner less rewarding—and your bond unravels. So when you have sex, the attraction towards him is renewed. I don't need that often because I fall in love with him again and again and again and all I need is his smile. That smile of his never seems to fail in cheering me up and making feel like he is the "one" for me.
I do hope Mr Right stays with me till the day I step out of the closet so that even if I enter a new battlefield after stepping out, my prince charming will be there to back me up and we can get through the storm together. In the past, both of us walked a lonely path. Today, I feel that he made me much less lonely and I really really really love that innocent boy that never fails to stop eating baby carrots. A bunny indeed!
To my bunny boyfriend: I love you! :)
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